Chapter 3:

Shifting the Individual Paradigm

If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail. Abraham Maslow

                                                                     

            Most of us who grew up in America in the 20th Century were not taught a win-win paradigm; we were taught a win-lose paradigm.  Gore Vidal famously said that in America, “it is not enough merely to win; others must lose.”  We live in a paradigm of comparison.  If communism is analogous to blackjack where players play against the house, then capitalism is analogous to poker where the players play against each other; every time someone wins a hand many other people must lose – in economic theory this is referred to as a “free market.”  A friend of mine once flew on an all Business Class plane from New York to Germany and told me that she found that many of the passengers were disappointed because there was nobody flying in coach to compare themselves against.  Although there is a proscription against “coveting thy neighbor” in our culture, incessant comparisons to peers are the result of our supposed “meritocracy” and unrestrained “market forces.”  Growing up in such a competitive culture we were taught to measure ourselves against others; we were taught that we would receive positive feedback and be rewarded if we learned Math, English and Science - as well as how to “act” (behave) - faster and better than our peers.  Few of us went to schools without grades, without competition, or without having to achieve certain goals on a regular basis. 

The competitive capitalistic spirit that was originally a wonderfully fertile ground on which to build our great and eclectic nation and culture spun out of control in the late 20th century.  The schism between economic winners and losers exploded exponentially and we are very lucky to have avoided class warfare in America; the only reason that the lower classes have not organized, revolted and marched down Park Avenue and Wall Street yanking the Gordon Geccos and Masters of the Universe from their offices high above while screaming “Off with their heads!” is because we were all promised the opportunity to become rich like them if we worked hard; so in some way, it is tacitly our own fault if we are not uber-rich financial winners, irrespective of the unspoken facts that nepotism is rife in our culture and children of upper-class parents have much better chances of succeeding through our expensive educational system, procuring higher paying jobs, and getting loans to start businesses.  The sad fact is that the vast majority of people born into the lower socio-economic echelons in contemporary America will die 60 or 70 years later in the same socioeconomic echelon; according the economist Robert Reich, real wages have actually decreased in the past 40 years so many people of my generation will actually be fairly worse off than our parents.  Although this may seem unbelievable and unpalatable to you, statistically more people move into the upper classes by marrying into them than through toiling in the fields.  America definitely was a meritocracy up to the Industrial Revolution but as the stakes became higher and higher competitors found ways of being more equal than their peers.  I’m sure that if you regularly read newspapers you can conjure a long list of cheaters, scammers, and thieves who chose not to play on a level playing field – Enron, Haliburton, Bernie Madoff, professional athletes who use steroids, etc.

             Relying on invisible free market forces and myriad freedoms may have many societal benefits such as relative peace and order, but as we have seen in earlier chapters there are psychological ramifications to such incessantly increasing competition that often manifest themselves later in individual afflictions such as depression and anxiety.  While the pharmaceutical companies produce and sell billions of dollars worth of medications that treat the symptoms of such ailments and afflictions, I think that the time is right to shift the paradigm and treat the root causes.  To do this we need tools to learn how to replace fear and resentment with gratitude and appreciation and/or reverence.  But this is easier said than done and often extremely difficult on an immediate basis, in “the heat of the moment.” 

             What we really need is a re-envisioning of our relationships with other people and our selves.  And to do this effectively we must consciously re-construct our individual paradigms and decide who we want to be and what kind of world we wish to inhabit.  Do we wish to live in a world based on fear, resentment, anxiety, disease and depression, or a world based on gratitude, appreciation, peace, ease and love?  Do we wish to live in a world of winners and losers or a world of equanimity, peace and relative ease?  I hope that the previous chapters have convinced you that it is in your power to reframe your individual paradigm and you need not accept a negative paradigm any longer.  In this chapter I will provide sundry hands-on tools that will help you reframe the way that you perceive life, interpret phenomena and interact with others.  Ultimately you will have to decide which tools work for you and which ones don’t.  And also you may have to accept the fact that you’re too attached to your fears and resentments and are not ready to give them up.  So before we try various tools please take a moment to ask yourself, who would you be if you did have your fears and resentments to hang onto?  Who would you be if you were no longer running on auto-pilot and had to live each moment consciously?  Who do want to be?             

The first list is of general tools for living consciously.  They are long-term, general qualities that if cultivated bode well for leading a fulfilling, meaningful, loving life.  I’m sorry that the pharmaceutical companies have not yet developed a pill that could instantly produce fulfilling, meaningful, loving lives but to the best of my knowledge this product is still in the research and development stage.  However, if you cultivate the following qualities the way a farmer tills his soil, you may soon grow some unexpected and delicious fruits.

Tools for Living Consciously

1. Cultivate awareness: open your eyes and look around.  Notice things.  Notice the natural world, the planet earth – trees, grass, water, birds, animals.  Be aware of all of the things that human beings have constructed in that natural world.  If you see a building try to understand what it is made of: if it is made of wood then recognize the trees and the people who cut down the trees; if it is made of glass then recognize the sand and the people who transformed it into glass; if it is made of stone or bricks then recognize the people who carried those stones or built those bricks.  Now do the same for the clothes you are wearing, the meal you just ate, the bed you are sleep on, the computer you type on, the telephone that you call on, etc.  There is literally no limit to the wondrous inventions that humankind has created.

2. Cultivate empathy and loving-kindness: at the end of the day, no matter how good it may feel and how much fun it may be, there is almost zero long-term benefit to being selfish, evil, rude, or insolent.  Although instantaneous negative re-actions are often unavoidable (especially when our fragile egos are bruised) and seem to just blurt themselves out, when we learn to live consciously we are able to control these outbursts and thus hinder the perpetuation of drama.  Compassion for all sentient beings - as we learned in the childhood adage “Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you” - is actually the only rational way of acting in the world.

3. Be a citizen of the world: until we are able to grasp the “big picture” and as much information about the evolution of humanity – politically, economically, spiritually, socially, psychologically, philosophically - we will always have an inflated sense of self-importance that is ultimately self-destructive and alienating.  Know as much about the world as possible, like how many people will die today, how many people will be tortured by other people today, how many people will lose loved ones today, how many people will learn about their fatal illnesses today, how many people will lose their jobs today, how many people will go to sleep hungry today, how many people will receive inadequate medical attention today, how many people won’t have clean water today, etc.  Being a citizen of the world means not taking the privileges we enjoy for granted.

4. Be political: voting is a privilege, not a right.  Every vote counts.  Your voice counts.  There is no possible excuse to be apathetic or uninformed about politics and politicians.  We live in a representative democracy; representatives are hired and employed by you and me to represent our beliefs and opinions.  And now until at least January 20th of 2013 you have a government with whom you can communicate instantaneously; just go to www.change.gov and let President Obama’s team know what you think.  Once you get an idea of the big picture, you will understand how great a privilege this is.  And until all of the negative situations from the number 3 above are remedied the world political machine can do better, which means that you can contribute.  If you don’t contribute to the political process then you tacitly forfeit your right to complain.

5. Cultivate your sense of wonder: there is no end to the beauty, splendor and majesty to be found in the world.  Most people don’t prioritize finding things to be passionate about or inspired by; they claim that they “don’t have the time” or “will do it later, like when they retire.”  There is only today, right now: if you always wanted to learn how to play the piano, understand opera, take a hike, learn to snorkel - whatever - do it today.  Do not put it off until tomorrow.  Go to the library.  Surf the Internet.  Take a walk in a foreign place like the beach or in the mountains.  Devote time every day to exploring your passions and potential new interests.

6. Release the future – release expectations, don’t be goal oriented, enjoy the process.  In America, often the only thing that counts is the end result; we seldom appreciate the process.  Many people nonchalantly discuss their accomplishments but most people will rarely tell you about the processes – other than that they “worked hard” to achieve what they achieved (since “working hard” is an admirable quality in the Judeo-Christian paradigm).  But did they enjoy or appreciate the journey or learn valuable lessons along the path?  In America the end justifies the means: working hard and having limited experiences for forty years is acceptable if you have enough money to retire comfortably.  This is extreme and possibly even backwards.  Learn to accept and enjoy life today and not make extreme sacrifices for some potential future goal or accomplishment that may not ever arrive.

7. Release the past – learn how to replace resentment with gratitude.  Science is obsessed with causality and psychology is obsessed with blame - blaming someone, blaming anyone.  The blame game pays remarkable dividends for a limited time but if our identity and self-worth hover around positively or negatively charged events that occurred twenty or thirty years ago then we are setting ourselves up for disaster.  Growing up in a highly competitive capitalistic society is more traumatic than most people realize; many people do believe that their parents and schools could have done better or more compassionate jobs – this is resentment and needs to be released.  We do not have freedom to experience the present in an authentic manner if we remain tied to the past and use our adolescent barometers of pleasure and pain to measure and judge our experiences today.

8. Cultivate equanimity, minimize drama, don’t be reactive.  At the end of the day, no matter how much immature glee we derive from drama, all drama is ultimately unnecessary and toxic.  It is often difficult to imagine that we are actually shooting ourselves in the feet when we ignite acquaintances, friends, lovers, employers, employees or relatives with passive-aggressive or overtly incendiary comments but sadly, it’s true.  We all engage in drama; we all “lose it” occasionally.  In the “heat of the moment” there are “no holds barred.”  But once we realize that we actually have the choice to deliver our messages with love and compassion or attached to a nuclear warhead, the choice in gaining our desired results becomes clear.

9. Be authentic.  Don’t be or buy into a “lifestyle.”  Don’t be a consumer.  Don’t get your status through symbols.  Don’t get your identity through product placement in the movie known as “Your Life.”  Be conscious of distractions and know their subtle propensity to eventually become afflictions and addictions.  Consciously decide who you are, who you want to be, and what type of life you want to live, and take responsibility for those decisions.  Only then will you be able to engage in the authentic loving relationships that we all yearn for.

10. Be grateful.  In some way, if you are reading this you are already extremely fortunate, already blessed.  You can breathe, you can see, you can read, you can comprehend, you can think, you can make choices, you can make decisions, you can appreciate, you can be passionate, you can experience emotions, you can be aware of your emotions… the list of things to be grateful for is infinite no matter how desperate and challenging our outer world situations may seem. 

              Again, the key here is for you to consciously decide for yourself who and what you are, who you want to be, and to take responsibility for those decisions.  If you do not make these decisions conscious, then you run the risk of having unconscious influences such as fear and resentment lead you to continue to act in ways that are destructive, self-destructive, or not conducive to your overall well-being.  A list of general positive qualities that you wish to cultivate, such as the above list – preferably one that you write and make a commitment to abide by – would be a good long-term road map on the path of leading a fulfilling, meaningful, peaceful, loving life.

           On a more immediate level, in order to cultivate meaningful, authentic interactions with other people on a daily basis, below are some razor’s edges that I recommend attempting to walk.  A razor’s edge is a path so narrow that you risk falling to one side or the other.  When dealing with other people – in shops and restaurants, in elevators, on the highway or subway, at the gym, wherever – it obviously behooves you to greet these people as friends and treat them the way that you wish them to treat you - with warmth, kindness, openness, and without prejudgments and prejudices.  You already have a way of being when you greet people, a particular demeanor that transmits much information to others; this list will simply make that way of being conscious so that you can gently shift it in order to attain the most positive interactions possible and secondarily make our society even more harmonious.

           When interacting with others, I have found it most propitious to…

1. Be passionate and enthusiastic but not dogmatic and over-bearing.  Avoid proselytizing; in our society everyone has the right to his or her beliefs (no matter how misguided they may seem to you and me).

2. Be genuinely curious but not obsessive or invasive; respect the personal spaces and boundaries of others.

3. Be discerning but non-confrontational; don’t critique something merely to assert worldliness or intelligence.

4. Be authentic, open and vulnerable but do not be a victim and try to suck people into a “woe’s me” drama.

5. Be non-reactive yet not indifferent.  Instantaneous “fight or flight” impulses and defense mechanisms are fantastic in the jungle when your life is constantly at risk, but being snarky to a salesclerk who gave you the wrong change has little long-term benefit.

6. Be self-assertive but not self-righteous.

7. Be patient but don’t become paralyzed.

8. Be magnanimous but don’t let people take advantage of you.

9. Be excited to be alive but understand that the world is imperfect and that many people do suffer circumstances that are outside their ability to change.

10. Choose positive emotional outcomes like peace, harmony, and friendship rather than ego-based outcomes such as being right or proving a point.

           On an even more immediate level, you are still occasionally going to experience what I refer to as “spin-outs” or “nose-dives” where the intensity of the situation is so heated and inflamed that you seem to be carried away on a sea of negative emotions such as anger, anxiety, frustration, sadness, loneliness and/or depression.  Here we must also examine our addictions to drama.  Many passionate artists, musicians and writers truly believe that their creativity depends on their highly visceral and emotional reactivity.  The veracity of this claim is dubious at best and unhealthy at worst; I prefer to think of such “spin-outs” as our egos’ idea of fun, like the adrenaline rush one gets from skydiving or bungee-jumping.  However, there are obviously risks to “shooting from the hip,” “shooting first and asking questions later,” “flying by the seat of your pants,” “taking no hostages” and all the other violent metaphors we use to describe such intense emotional reactions and over-reactions; such heightened emotionality also grows wearisome on your heart if your blood pressure is often elevated. 

Although your rational side knows that “this too shall pass,” negative visceral reactions can be so overwhelming that they unplug your rational side.  So the first thing to do during these situations – and this goes back to the first long-term tool above – is to cultivate awareness.  If you can identify and name the emotion then that will create sufficient conscious distance so that you can dis-identify with the emotion; then you can observe the emotion and ride it out the way a surfer rides out a wave.  You can try this practice out right now even if you’re not feeling any particularly intense emotion.  Just say aloud or to yourself, “I AM angry.  I AM really angry!”  And then try on, “I am a human being experiencing the emotion of anger right now.”  Did you feel the difference?  The identification – I AM… - is inherently charged; it is an identification; but if you choose not to identify in language with the emotion it will subside faster. 

The next time you experience an intensely heavy negative emotion, try to gather the wherewithal to utter the words, “This is exactly what it feels like when I am spinning out.”  Gain consciousness and awareness of the spin-out: what does it feel like?  Why does it feel so bad, painful?  Why does this emotion feel relentless, like it is going to last forever?  What is familiar about this feeling?  What is different about this feeling this time?  Then you can create further distance by naming and identifying the emotion that is spinning you out: “I am experiencing sadness right now.”  “I am experiencing loneliness right now.”  “I am experiencing frustration right now.”  “I am experiencing disappointment right now.”  “I am experiencing grief, loss, abandonment right now.”  “I am experiencing envy right now.”  “I am experiencing anger right now.”  “I am feeling confused right now.”  “I am feeling conflicted right now.”  Make sure to add the “right now” to reinforce the fact that all feelings are ephemeral and are bound to pass sooner or later.

           When you experience a “spin-out” in the presence of someone else and it becomes a confrontation then the only thing to do is take a break, go to neutral corners for a “time-out,” and let the fire burn itself out.  Continuing to try to get another person to hear you when the situation is heated is tantamount to pouring gasoline on a fire; accept that there is no sense trying to discuss anything when reason is blurred by emotions.  I had a girlfriend who used the phrase, “Let’s put a parking lot on this for now” whenever we had a heated discussion or a dispute.  She explained to me that when contractors buy up a large plot of land and don’t cover the whole thing with buildings that they build parking lots on the remaining land to save that space for a later time.  Figure out a phrase that works for you so that you can always take a break and resume the discussion once the raw emotions have subsided.  Then, when you are both calm and return to the conversation, look the other person in the eye, smile, and say with an authentic and empathic voice, “How can we make this a win-win situation?”  If you’ve ever been in a situation where a supposed adversary asked you, “How can we make this a win-win situation?” then you know how difficult it is to say, “We can’t!  We must fight to the death!”  Anyone who chooses to say, “Win-win is impossible; one of us must die” is a jerk – right?  Shifting the win-lose paradigm to a win-win paradigm will disarm whomever you’re fighting with and cause him or her to rise to the occasion and do everything in his or her power to try to find an amicable solution.  Just try it.

           During mild individual spin-outs or common malaise, I recommend the use of gratitude lists.  It is always helpful to cultivate gratitude for obvious things that we often take for granted such as being alive, consciousness, health (as long as your not dead then you have some modicum of health), breath, sight, hearing, sense of taste, sense of smell, mobility as well as gratitude for whatever freedoms you have, your most recent meal, the roof over your head at night, and finally - although this one is extremely difficult seeing as your feelings may not be currently pleasant - have gratitude for experiencing feelings, even if they are negative.  For in the grand scheme of things, it is a luxury to have feelings.  It means that a predator is not chasing you through the jungle trying to eat you for supper – right?  Similarly, it is a great luxury to have the ability and the time to read this book.  It is a luxury to have the means to own or use a computer, walk on sidewalks or ride in cars, buses, trains or on planes.  Take comfort in knowing that if you look at the entire history of humanity you are part of an elite and privileged group of homo sapiens.  We live in the largest, most powerful empire in the history of the world and I believe that we have more potential leisure time and opportunities (that most of us fritter away on distractions such as television, the Internet, unnourishing foods, alcohol, fashion and entertainment) – than most other cultures.  So you do have much to be grateful for – if you don’t believe it, just try to imagine a contrary situation: imagine living in a third world country without public services such as clean water, waste removal, electricity, streetlights or police; if that doesn’t inspire you then try to imagine being enslaved, numb, paralyzed or dead.  Imagining any of these other very real possibilities should elicit some gratitude for the freedoms and privileges that we enjoy.

If you can learn how to replace your fears with gratitude - genuine gratitude – then eventually your neuroses, worries and anxieties will subside.  It may help if you make a commitment to start each day by reminding yourself of some of these things upon waking: make a gratitude list of at least 3 things you’re grateful for.  You can keep it simple, if you like.  For instance, just say to yourself or write down something such as:

1. I am grateful for having a safe place to sleep in.

2. I am grateful for waking up today.

3. I am grateful for having food to eat and clothing to wear.

Or upon going to sleep you can say to yourself or write down something such as:

1. I am grateful for having lived through another day.

2. I am grateful for all the things that I saw, tasted, smelt, felt.

3. I am grateful for any and all of the positive interactions I had with people today.

Personally, I find the best time to be grateful is when I’m brushing my teeth in the mirror.  I look at my reflection when I’m done brushing and say, “I’m thankful for having teeth to brush.”  I spent twenty years visiting my grandmother who wore dentures and often carried them around in her hand or in a cup; when I look in the mirror and see my real teeth and recall (thanks to grandma) the fact that the rest of my body will probably outlast my teeth, I am extremely grateful that I will be able to chew my food today using my own teeth.  This will probably not always be the case.  Someday, if I am blessed to live so long, I too will walk around carrying my dentures in my hand just like my grandmother did, and putting them in my mouth when it is time to chew some food.

           Cultivating gratitude for things in your own life will naturally lead you to cultivate empathy for others.  Empathy is something that has dissipated in our highly competitive “win-lose” “winner-take-all” “survival of the fittest” “dog-eat-dog” cultural paradigm.  Empathy is the ability to share the feelings of others. Once you are grateful for the health, privileges and opportunities that you do enjoy, you will notice that many people around you do not have those same luxuries.  Cultivating empathy may even provoke you to want to be of service to others when you realize that until we consciously create loving and positive communities based on fairness and equanimity that other people’s impoverished situations actually do effect us.  This is the problem with the win-lose paradigm and why it is incumbent upon us to shift it to a win-win paradigm.  The financial crisis that we’re witnessing in contemporary America is the result of unfettered competition and market forces run amuck.  This crisis must be also viewed as a tremendous opportunity to re-establish fairness and to curb the “rich get richer while the poor get poorer” survival-of-the-fittest, win-lose paradigm.  It all begins with cultivating empathy for others.

           All of the above-mentioned tools are cognitive tools.  Now I would like to share with you one spiritual tool and two somatic tools.  By consciously deciding on an individual spiritual paradigm you will be able to easily distance yourself from much of the suffering that you think you are experiencing in your life.  Please remember that “pain is unavoidable but suffering is optional.”  Regarding a spiritual life, if you have cultivated gratitude for your existence, health, and consciousness then you may wish to be grateful to a specific higher power for that existence, health and consciousness.  (Confirmed, fervent and dedicated atheists and people who are 100% positive that everything in the universe occurs at random and that there is no power higher than their own consciousnesses may wish to skip this section on spirituality.)  Here many ontological and eschatological decisions must be made: the point is that YOU decided what your beliefs were rather than simply accepting beliefs that were inculcated into you (or rejecting a specific set of beliefs – some people simply choose to believe the opposite of their parent’s beliefs on principle.)  YOU decide what type of universe you choose to live in and what type of higher power exists as opposed to the higher power that you may have learned about at Sunday School, catechism, church, temple or mosque during the behavior modification part of your life.  Now that you’re an adult you have the privilege and responsibility of choosing to have or not to have a higher power and what the parameters of that higher power are.  Are you going to blame that higher power for your misgivings?  Are you going to use that higher power as an excuse for the negative things in the world and in your life?  Or are you going to consciously choose to believe in a higher power that is beneficent rather than malicious or indifferent?  Are you going to thank that higher power for providing you with challenges to overcome so that you could grow and evolve?  Are you going to thank that higher power for the splendors and beauties on earth?  The range of choices is infinite but here are some general phrases that may help you have a greater understanding of the universe and your essential self:

“I am a child of God and that God is beneficent.”

“I am Brahman and all that my senses perceive is maya (illusory).”

“I have Buddha nature; I take refuge in the Buddha.”

“Jesus Christ is my lord and savior.”

“Hare Krishna.”

“Allah hu Akbar – God is greatest.”

           Since the birth of consciousness humankind has sought to explain everything that we experience.  We have done this through stories, myths, fables, religion and now through science.  But as we have seen in earlier chapters, there is no definitive understanding of how the universe is operating and what our role is while we’re alive in that universe.  Thus, I implore you to explore as many spiritual options as possible and consciously decide which set of beliefs resonates most with you.  Do you think it’s a good idea to believe in the concept of original sin?  Does that paradigm bode well for peace and harmony for all?  Or do you espouse Einstein’s belief that “God does not play dice with the universe” and what exactly does that imply? 

           What is important here is to embody a spirituality that helps to provide you with a core sense of self so that you do not identify with the whirlwind of thoughts and emotions that comprise most of your mental life.  If you are able to say “I am a child of God and that God is beneficent” or “I am Brahman and all I perceive is maya” then it will be easier for you to appreciate the “I” when you utter negative phrases such as “I (a child of God) am experiencing anger right now.”  Again, there is no right answer; there are myriad understandings and you have to taste at least a few of them and decide which one – if any – you choose to believe in right now.  I say “right now” because even scientific understandings change rather rapidly and if/when science discovers parallel universes that were hitherto considered to be science fiction, then our cultural paradigm will shift again also.  Religious beliefs function similarly; espouse beliefs that facilitate your greatest and discard all others.

           Next, I would like to offer you two somatic tools.  The reason I have chosen to discuss the somatic after the spiritual is because such tools are even more powerful if they are based on a spiritual understanding.  Although there are myriad somatic tools and you have to find the ones that work best for you, the tools I wish to impart are meditation and yoga.  There are infinite types of meditation but the one that is most relevant to “Shifting the Paradigm” is the meditation practice that concentrates on the breath.  The reason that being spiritual helps here is because in many other cultures there is a sacred component to the breath that we have lost in our scientific paradigm.  You can go without food for many weeks; you can go without water for many days; but if you do not breathe you will not survive many minutes.  That is why breath is considered to be the essential life-force in many cultures.  This vital yet invisible and intangible energy is called Prana in Sanskrit and Chi in Chinese.  In both of those cultural paradigms you are comprised of a gross body and an ethereal body; energy – chi, prana – flows through your ethereal body just like blood flows through your gross body.  Western medicine and science does not have tools to measure this energy so it is not part of our cultural paradigm yet.  But if you have ever experienced the blissful and peaceful benefits of acupuncture, yoga, or meditation then you may already have a greater understanding of the human body than the one currently espoused by most Westerners. 

           On a psychological level let us examine how meditating on your breath works: if you are truly able to concentrate on your breath and just be aware of your inhalations and exhalations, there will not be room in your mind for much else.  And why would this be so calming and soothing?  Because in the immediate present, in the “now,” in the “zone,” there is no past and there is no future.  You allow your mind to take a vacation, a vacation from the stories of the past and the possible imaginary futures.  As demonstrated in earlier chapters, depression and resentment are caused by conscious and subconscious thoughts about the past while anxiety and fear are caused by thoughts about possible futures.  If you can truly get yourself “present,” be in the “now,” - even if only for a moment - then you will alleviate both your depression and anxiety. 

When you try to concentrate on the breath you will start to notice that your mind feels as if it is bombarded by thoughts.  There will be a time when it is difficult to stop thinking about what you’re going to eat for your next meal, how your last meal is sitting in your stomach, when you’re going to have to shower again, if your clothes are clean, if your fingernails are too long, if you left the stove on, if the clerk at the deli gave you the right change, how the last conversation went with a loved one, when was the last time you had sex, etc.  You may soon release that most of your conscious life is comprised of planning, rehearsing, strategizing, judging, anticipating or remembering.  Once you gain some awareness of the journeys that your mind goes on you will start to realize how dear one clean breath is - just one clean and delicious conscious breath - just one inhalation or exhalation that is not accompanied by some seemingly random yet completely mundane and most likely pointless thought.  I say “pointless” because there is little point to sitting around at 4:30 in the afternoon trying to decide if you would rather have Spicy Tuna Roll or Spicy Yellow Tail Roll for dinner at 8:00 – right?  You don’t really need to ponder such crucial existential riddles before you actually sit down to eat.  If you need a sound mantra to help you avoid thinking about eating, shopping, having sex, calling friends, etc., just try BE HERE NOW.  Repeat to yourself BE HERE NOW or any other mantra that helps you avoid thinking about whatever you were thinking about before you started to meditate.  Sometimes I instruct students to check their worries and thoughts at the entrance to the meditation or yoga hall: the good news is that after the meditation or class is over they will have no problem picking their worries and thoughts up on the way out – all concerns of any importance will still be there; they’re not going anyplace; meditation and yoga just provide a limited vacation from them.

The feeling of inner calm, peace and harmony that is attainable by concentrating on the breath is what has been known throughout the ages as enlightenment.  Enlightenment is the blissful realization that the mind’s attachment to the no-longer-existent past and the not-yet-existent future is the root cause of suffering and that such suffering can be ameliorated and often avoided.  Unfortunately, enlightenment for most people is not a permanent state and we have to continuously cultivate such inner peace and calm.  But is there really a choice?  Many people have tried to find such enlightenment through opiates and hallucinogenics, but those can have adverse physical, psychological, emotional and mental side-effects.  Concentrating on the breath has no side-effects – apart from the occasional muscle cramp which you can learn to endure or tolerate.  There are many types of meditation, thousands of books on meditation, and many “sitting groups” going on wherever you live right now.  This is a great tool and it is available to you at all times and at no cost.  You have nothing to lose by trying it – except your worries and anxieties.

Like meditation, using yoga as a spiritual practice is also a sublime tool.  ‘Yoga’ in Sanskrit means union or yoking; it is the yoking of the mind, spirit and the body through the breath.  The second yoga sutra of Patajali reads, “Yoga stills the fluctuations of the mind.”  This ancient practice recognizes that the base state of consciousness is “monkey mind;” like a monkey swinging from branch to branch, your mind will swing from idea to idea; and like a monkey your mind isn’t going anywhere, it’s just jumping around for the sake of jumping around.  The key concept to remember when you practice yoga is to inhale every time your body expands and to exhale every time your body compresses.  Breathe in when you reach up; breathe out when you bow forward.  It’s simple.  Yoga is a merely a moving meditation.  If a seated meditation is too challenging for you and you need to be more active to prevent your mind from torturing you with ultimately pointless thoughts, then try yoga.  But try to avoid any hyper-aggressive, Army boot-camp, Americanized, goal-oriented yoga classes full of ex-ballerinas who can all easily tuck their ankles behind their necks; try to avoid ex-aerobic or pilates instructors who focus on better abs rather than the breath; look for a traditional hatha yoga or kundalini yoga class that focuses on breathing. 

           I would now like to share with you the ultimate tool for leading a meaningful life.  It encompasses all of the aforementioned tools and allows you to put into action all of the fruits that you have cultivated by living consciously and being on the path of personal wellness.  I think you’ll be amazed by its simplicity (which is one of the reasons that the 12 Step programs thrive everywhere and yet are not a business nor earn financial profit for anyone – because the 12th step is “Being of Service to Others,” paying it forward).  Ponder this for a moment: have you ever heard a serial killer, war criminal, thief, rapist, cheater, narcissist or anyone seriously lacking in personal integrity say, “Yes, I am 100% sure that life in general and my life in particular is exceedingly fulfilling and meaningful.”  However, if you ask the Dalai Lama, Mother Teresa, a Peace Corps worker or anyone who has repeatedly been of service to others if life is meaningful, most of them will echo with a resounding “Yes.”  Being of service to others - especially without any expectations of reward - whether it is your mother, grandfather, child, brother, spouse, friend or a complete stranger - often encompasses many of the above tools such as gratitude and empathy and it allows you stop focusing on your self and make a difference in someone else’s life.  Whether it is stopping to help a disabled person across the street or moving to a third world country to help grow food for people who only eat twice a week, being of service to others is unequivocally the best way to heal your own wounds and shift the world into a place you are proud to live in.  And if you really want to double your karma points (that’s obviously my lame attempt at a joke, but I hope you know what I mean), after the recipient does or does not thank you (it doesn’t matter, you’ll learn that soon), try authentically saying to him or her, “Thank you for letting me be of service.”  Just try it.  The next time you have the opportunity to go out of your way to help another sentient being, do it.  Do it without any expectations.  Just do it.  And when you’re done helping, smile and say, “Thank you for letting me be of service.”  See how good it feels to shift the paradigm from worrying about your own self and your own supposed needs for a moment and be genuinely concerned about the needs of another.  Be altruistic unconditionally.  I guarantee you that putting a smile on someone else’s face or easing someone else’s burden will be worth more to you than attaining any material possession or creature comfort that you can imagine.  And who knows, maybe someday when you need help someone will be presented with the opportunity to perform a random and unconditional act of kindness and they will help you.

           So let authenticity, presence, meaning, love, gratitude and conscious living begin with you.  Be fearless and resolute.  Release the past and the future.  Shift the paradigm.  Be selfless instead of selfish.  Let your “self” “be” of service to others.  Let love, compassion, peace, ease and empathy flow uninhibited today.  Let these changes be infectious.  Let them be ubiquitous.  Let them be sustainable.

You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

 

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